I think in general most people have had the following experience. There seems to be that one thing or many things that you want to do or have but something holds you back. Does this sound familiar? Whether it is fear of failing, fear of disappointing, fear of angering someone, or even the fear of succeeding. Fear seems to be that something that is stopping us from taking that crucial first baby step.
Fear can have a bad rap. I believe there are healthy fears that keep you alive. Fear of jumping out in front of a car is an example of this. This type of fear keeps you safe and unharmed. As humans we tend to carry this type of fear over to so many areas of our lives, such as, starting a new relationship, changing jobs, telling someone you love them, going to the gym or simply asking a question. If we allow it, fear can silence us. I have a tendency to allow fear to paralyze me from enjoying life to the extent which I know is available. I think I can find myself worrying so much about what the bad things are that can happen that I forget to look at all the incredible things that I am missing out on. I also can worry about what others may think of me if I fail. Well who cares what they think? I do, that is the problem.
When we worry about the worst case scenarios and let’s be honest, most of those scenarios aren’t even that bad. When I play it all of the way through about what could happen if I tried and it didn’t work, I realize that I have already lived through worse things than even come up at this time for me. Bad relationships, addictions, living out of a car, losing a job, and a near death medical issue. If I can end up on the other side of these scenarios and still be thriving in my life, geez, I think I am doing pretty well. And believe me people were talking all over the place about me in all of these situations. And somehow I got to the point that if they are talking about me then so be it. What they say about me is none of my business. I only have to worry about me! Wow! If all I have to worry about is me then what is stopping me from getting and working for all that I want in life?
And I want more. Here comes another fear. Am I being too greedy? Is it too much to ask to want a successful business, a family full of kids, the ability to travel and unconditional love from my husband. I am already on my way to having all of these things. Not many people would have looked at me a few years ago and believed that I would be where I am now in my life. Here’s the secret, I don’t have to listen to those people. The only voice that matters is mine, and for me, God’s. When I am living in full self love and through God’s will I am open to taking the risks necessary to experience life and the wonderful things that await me. There are times that I may get hurt and I do. There are times that I wonder that the heck I was thinking in the first place for even trying, then it eventually (sometimes quickly, but most of the time slowly) comes to me that it was not meant to happen that way. The way it does happen or doesn’t is actually better for me.
Numerous times when in my active addiction and trying to stop, I would wonder why this had to happen to me? What had I done so bad to have to go through all of these experiences? After being sober for a few 24 hours I realize that ALL that I have been through has shaped the person I am today. I have opportunities that would not have been here for me. I have found a love for myself and a knowledge that I am okay being on my own that I would never have had. I was able to find a man that loves me and cares for me that way I deserve to be cared for.
Here’s the thing, whether we like to think about it or not, life has an expiration date. I for one want to have the ability to look at my life and know that I loved fully, shared my talents fully, had fun fully, and touched the life of at least one person.